Please Use Your Logic...

When I look at people around me, I wonder why, when they fall in love, it’s seem so hard for them to think rationally. They don’t even seem to care if their partner is a red flag or keeps hurting them. I’ve told them so many times to get out of that toxic relationship, but it’s still so hard for them to get out of it. What the hell is wrong with their mind? 

But ironically, I don’t really fit into that pattern, btw.

When I fall in love, I actually become... too rational. You could even say I’m so logical that I turn cold. Instead of drowning in emotions or saying soft things that could build intimacy, I put up an analytical layer as a shield.
Not because I don’t feel anything — quite the opposite, it’s because I feel too much.
But I don’t know how to show it without feeling vulnerable. So I end up choosing the wrong way: disguising feelings as logic.

I still remember one moment that was both painfully ironic and strangely funny. There was someone I secretly liked with a depth I didn’t even fully understand myself. In some situations, my thoughts slipped out like a knife: cold, sharp, and unfair.

“There is no time for me to love someone.” 

“It will only make you suffer and feel worthless.”

At least, those were the darkest thoughts that crossed my mind. But what I actually wanted to say was something else entirely:

“I’m confused. I’m fascinated. I don’t know what to do. I want to get closer, but I don’t know how without losing control and still could secure my pride”

On the surface, I seem like someone who doesn’t care, distant, even arrogant.
I still think that feelings like that are inefficient.
But deep down, I’m just too shy, too desperate to stay safe. I can’t admit that I need someone, because “need” sounds like weakness, like begging.

I can’t speak honestly about how I feel, because emotional honesty feels like surrendering myself to uncertainty, to risk.
Because I understand all the consequences too well. Maybe, all I did was just thingking and overanalyzed things too much so that it's difficult to me to fall in love. 

Some people lose their rationality when they fall in love. They’re too honest with their feelings, too brave, too quick to give.
But I’m the opposite I lose the courage to be irrational.

I lose the ability to respond to something that can’t be explained by the systems I usually rely on. I can’t be emotionally honest because I’ve been too well-trained in analysis and control. Rationality has become a fortress—too solid for anyone to break through, even for love itself.

And beyond that, I have this strange feeling, exaggerated fear — a fear of losing my self-respect, of being looked down upon if I ever expose my feelings.

I eventually realized that the opposite of losing logic isn’t love, it’s emotional numbness disguised as logic. Both can destroy something beautiful. One jumps too fast, the other stays too long at the edge.

And in love, time waits for no one.

In the end, I understood this: being rational is good, but being 'too' rational when you fall in love can
make you miss the most human moments, the moments when you’re honest in your imperfection. Because sometimes, saying “I need you” is far more genuine and powerful than a thousand logical arguments that touch no one’s heart.

And I also understood the consequence: being overly rational can ruin everything. Instead of staying, they quietly walk away. And I know that.

Maybe that’s the hardest lesson love has taught me—that not everything that feels embarrassing needs to be hidden. Sometimes, courage is born from the kind of honesty that looks weak.

But being too emotional isn’t good either.

When decisions are made out of momentary feelings rather than long-term clarity, people start ignoring red flags, idealizing their partners, or staying in relationships that are actually unhealthy. It can also lead to emotional dependency—the urge to always be together just to feel complete. But a healthy relationship shouldn’t be an escape from oneself.

Because the happiness of being in love can be addictive, sometimes people become addicted not to their

partner, but to the feeling of being in love itself. Love turns into a kind of drug and when the “high” fades, there comes withdrawal: doubt, abandonment, even self-destruction.

The other danger is the obsession with intensity. Some people don’t feel alive unless they’re fighting, jealous, or being desperately needed. That’s not love—it’s compulsion. That’s the theory, at least.

And even though I understand the theory, in practice it’s hard. I just want to learn to stay in the middle ground—to remain rational when I fall in love, without being trapped by fleeting feelings, and without falling into either extreme.

Back to the question:

Why is it so hard to think rationally when we fall in love?

The simplest answer is this: because we’re addicted to happiness. Love is an addiction.

It’s not happiness in the sense of peace or calm, but in the impulsive, fleeting kind of bliss — the kind that makes us feel alive, as if everything suddenly makes sense just because that one person exists.

Love activates the brain’s reward system much like a mild drug does. Dopamine rushes through us every time we see their message, hear their voice, or even just think about them. We start to associate their presence with the very feeling of being alive. And once the brain gets a taste of that, the mind is no longer neutral — it becomes an agent actively seeking to repeat the experience.

Just like addiction, we begin to sacrifice many things to keep the supply of happiness steady — including rationality.

Eventually, anything that threatens the illusion gets rejected. Even reality can be negotiated. We start bending our principles, silencing our intuition, even compromising our self-worth — all to maintain the “high” that love provides. We lose distance, and without distance, we lose perspective.

That’s why love can make the most intelligent person naive, the most logical one blind, and the most assertive one suddenly permissive.

When we’re addicted, the brain itself fuels our irrationality. So the real challenge is learning how to measure the dose — to keep it balanced. 

Refrence : 

https://rumahmillennials.com/2019/02/11/cinta-science-jatuh-cinta-itu-memang-tidak-rasional-dan-akan-mematikan-nalarmu/